Book Review: Desmond and The Very Mean Word

Authors: Archbishop Desmond Tutu and 
Douglas Carlton Abrams
illustrated by A.G. Ford

From the Book Jacket: Desmond was very proud of his new bicycle. He was the only child in the whole township who had one, and he couldn't wait to show it to Father Trevor. 

When Desmond takes his new bicycle out for a ride, his pride and joy turn to hurt and anger when some boys shout a very mean word at him. No matter what he tries, Desmond can't stop thinking about what the boys said. With the wise advice of kindly Father Trevor, Desmond learns an important lesson about understanding his conflicted feelings and how to forgive.  

Based on a real-life experience from Archbishop Desmond Tutu's own childhood in South Africa, Desmond and the Very Mean Word eloquently shows a child's realization that true forgiveness comes from within and that all people deserve compassion, whether or not they say they are sorry.  

Why It's On My Bookshelf: This has been an important picture book I've been using with our fourth and fifth graders. Sometimes I'm so saddened to see how horribly mean some of them can be to each other. So when this book arrived I knew it had a message that would touch their hearts and hopefully stop the mean words. Reminding kids they can make a decision to stop a hurtful conversation and take responsibility is what this book is all about.

There is a conversation in the book between Father Trevor and Desmond that we focused on:

Father Trevor sighed. "That is the problem, Desmond. You will get them back, and they they will get you back, and soon our whole world will be filled with nothing but 'getting back.'"

And there it is! Stopping the cycle of hurt is what my students need to hear. Especially because some of them come from homes where that cycle is happening. Forgiveness is an absent thing in many of their lives. When I asked if they could define forgiveness - not many hands went up. We teach a lot about apologies but it became clear the other part of the equation needs to be put out there too.

It is never revealed what the mean word is used against Desmond. I was concerned some kids would get hung up on that. We did have a small discussion on what the mean words might have been. But what we kept coming back to was how those words can have such a damaging impact. And that's why we need forgiveness............yep!

A Link to This Book:  

Book Review: Sneaky Weasel

Author/Illustrator: Hannah Shaw
Interest Level: Ages 5 and Up

From the Book Jacket: Weasel is sneaky, measly and very rich. When he throws a big party to show off to everyone, he can't understand why none of his guests turn up...Could it be that Weasel is bad at being a friend?

Why It's On My Bookshelf: There are kids in every class who no one wants as a partner during work time or is socially isolated. Sometimes the reason behind the exclusion often has to do with the child's negative behavior towards others. When I finished reading Sneaky Weasel, I immediately thought of those students. I work with these kiddos very closely trying to help them become self-aware of their actions. This story is perfect to address this problem. 

When no one shows up at Weasel's party he visits everyone to demand an explanation. He discovers everyone is quite upset with him because of his mistreatment of others. Weasel is pretty clueless about his hurtful ways. He realizes he must find a way to be a good friend and make up for what he has done. He sets out to earn their trust and respect through kindness, taking responsibility, and an apology. Good stuff!!

Love this new discovery. You will too. Kids are going to see themselves in this story and hopefully it will provide insight to change that stinky sneaky behavior!

A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:  

The Zach Rules Series: Zach Apologizes & Zach Gets Frustrated

Author: William Mulcahy
Illustrator: Darren McKee
Interest Level: Ages 5-8 
Publisher: Free Spirit Publishing (lots of great resources on their website)

A family counselor and psychotherapist teaches kids how to tame their frustration and how to deliver a proper apology in the first two books of the newly released Zach Rules series.

Zach Apologizes
From the Publisher: In Zach Apologizes, when Zach shoves his little brother to the floor, he knows he did something wrong. Even so, it's hard to apologize - especially when he feels Alex kind of deserved it! With his mom's help, Zach learns the "four-square" apology: (1) say what you did; (2) say how it made the other person feel; (3) say what you could have done instead; and (4) make it up to the person.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Coaching students when it comes to an apology is so important. Otherwise we'd probably just hear a lot of quick "I'm sorry's." We know that kind of apology does more harm than it does good. Reading Zach Apologizes reopened my eyes to how absolutely critical it is to help kids go deeper when they are making amends. Author William Mulcahy introduces kids to the "four-square" apology. This approach helps kids to be remorseful and have empathy about their actions. 

Kids are very visual so this is really going to stick with them. Cannot wait to teach this to the students and staff! Plus the kids play four-square out at recess so their ears will REALLY perk up.

Make sure to read the WONDERFUL advice in the back of the book for adults. There are some great tips on how to guide children through the four squares. Download a printable copy of the four-square apology HERE.

Zach Gets Frustrated
From the Publisher: In Zach Gets Frustrated, Zach is having a lousy day at the beach. Zach kicks sand, yells angry words, and asks his dad if they can just go home. Instead, his dad teaches him the "frustration triangle" - a simple, three-step approach to get a handle on frustration: (1) name it; (2) tame it; and (3) reframe it. Each book concludes with a short note to adults to help parents, teachers, counselors, and other grown-ups reinforce the book's messages and practice the skills with their kids. 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: This is SUCH a helpful resource to the students in my school. So many kids don't know what to do with their frustration and often times this leads to a negative behavior choice. Zach Gets Frustrated teaches children frustration doesn't need to ruin their day and it can even be channeled into something positive if they take the time to understand it. The frustration triangle technique is a new discovery for me and it's going to definitely have an impact.

The Frustration Triangle

Name it!

Tame it!

Reframe it!

Download a printable copy of the frustration triangle HERE

I CANNOT RECOMMEND THIS SERIES ENOUGH! IT'S AWESOME!!!!!

A Link to These Books: 

Lively Elizabeth! What Happens When You Push

Author: Mara Bergman

Illustrated by Cassia Thomas
Interest Level: Ages 4-7

From the Book Jacket: Lively Elizabeth lives up to her name - in fact, she's a little bit of a handful! She doesn't mean to hurt anyone, but one day at school she finds out that one little push can lead to BIG problems!

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Let me set the scene for you: It's recess. Children are playing joyfully. The recess bell rings. The students run towards their line and all of a sudden the joy is GONE. There are some kids crying, some on the ground holding scraped knees, others arguing and pointing at each other, and then I get to come over and sort it all out. 

ME: "What happened guys?" 
ANGRY STUDENT #1: "SHE PUSHED ME!!"
ANGRY STUDENT #2: "NAH AH! HE PUSHED ME!!!" 
ANGRY STUDENT #3: "I WAS HERE FIRST!"
SAD STUDENT #4: on the ground holding elbow and knee crying
ME: (lord help me)

Now granted this does not happen all of the time because we work really hard on having students line up safely - but these are kids - they are not perfect. My saving grace is always a social skills book. I've found a new one, Lively Elizabeth! What Happens When You Push, to help teach self-control and reinforce being safe in school.

Little Miss Lively Elizabeth is not in the same scenario at recess but she does decide to push another boy in class. Which causes a whole domino effect of kids falling into one another. Great illustrations showing cause and effect. 

She experiences the social consequences of kids being upset with her but is forgiven after making an apology for her behavior. Loved the making amends part. Although I've been reading it this Spring, I plan on re-reading it at the beginning of the school year next Fall. It's such a great addition to my library. I'm hoping it will help decrease my "Lord help me" moments at recess.


A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful: 
 

Book Review: The Sandbox: A Book About Fairness

Author: Don Rowe
Illustrated by Tim Archbold
Interest Level: Ages 4-7

About This Book: Johnny is friends with Tim at school and friends with Kylie at home. When Mrs. Smith asks Tim and Johnny to let Kylie join the game they are playing in the sandbox, they do not want to include her. "It's not fair!" they all say. Mrs. Smith agrees. A helpful teacher/parent guide is provided to ask insightful questions that will stimulate conversation and encourage problem solving skills.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Have you ever given kids/students directions on how you would like them to play together? And then you look over and they are completely arguing and it's an all out war?!? This is a great opportunity to use stories that build community. The Sandbox is the perfect read for increasing peace and decreasing conflict. All kinds of learning lessons in this one. I totally dig the ending because it does not end on a super happy note. It ends with the kids experiencing the consequences and the teacher feeling frustrated. And here's why I love that - because it allows the students to sort out what went wrong and why nothing went right for the kids in the story. (and don't get me wrong....I love a happy ending but I need books that allow us to do some community thinking) So how can we avoid and prevent problems during playtime? Oh yes, get your behavior T-Charts ready. What should play look, feel, and sound like? Music to my ears! Trying to create a positive learning community can be difficult when you don't have the right resources and tools. Behavior can be really frustrating, add this one to your classroom management library if you are tired of being reactive and ready to be more proactive.


Find this book at Picture Window Books.

Book Review: Sorry!

Author: Trudy Ludwig
Illustrated by Maurie J Manning
Interest Level: Ages 7-11


From the Book Jacket: Jack's friend, Charlie, knows how to get away with just about everything: “If you get caught, just say you're sorry.” But does an apology count if you don't really mean it? And what happens when the person you've hurt knows you don't mean it? Jack's about to find out there's a whole lot more to a real apology than a simple “sorry!”

Trudy Ludwig's book captures the importance of making a sincere apology and models for children how to take ownership of hurtful behavior and make amends.

The Book Includes:

• An afterword by renowned apology expert Dr. Aaron Lazare
• A note from the author
• Discussion questions
• Dos and Don'ts of apologizing

Why It's On My Bookshelf:  This book is about learning to take ownership of one's actions and apologizing the right way, but also about trying to fit in. Kids are looking for acceptance and belonging. Sometimes they are willing to give up their values just to have a friend.  

Before I met Charlie, I was a nobody. 

Then I was a somebody. I was Charlie's friend.

Of course, Sorry! is a total hit with my students, all of Trudy's books are. I like the emotional response the student's have towards Charlie (the instigator). They get seriously irritated with his lack of remorse and empathy towards others. We discuss how Charlie's apologies feel like another put down. So I use their feelings as an opportunity to talk about how an apology is a 'gift' that you give someone. Modeling the 'gift' of an apology is SO very important. Just like math, reading, and writing - kids need to practice social skills as well. 

Introducing the concept of a follower gets a lot of light bulbs going off during discussion.  Sometimes I worry that too many kids are followers. And they are following the wrong peers. Jack wants a friend so badly. But at what personal cost?  As the story progresses, it is obvious that Jack does not agree with Charlie's behavior. Spend time talking about apologies when using this book, but also spend time talking about choosing friends. I hope you add Sorry! to your bookshelf soon.

Find more of Trudy's books at her website.


A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:

Book Review: Our Friendship Rules

Author: Peggy Moss and Dee Dee Tardif
Illustrated by Alissa Imre Geis
Interest Level: Ages 7-10


About This Book: Alexandra and Jenny have been best friends for a long time. But when Alexandra is momentarily dazzled by the glamour of a new girl at school, she's willing to do almost anything to get to be the cool girl's friend. Ultimately, she tells Jenny's biggest, most important secret and just like that, Alexandra is in! But when Alexandra realizes what it feels like to lose her best friend, and sees the hurt she's caused, she knows she has make things right.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Just read the reviews:

"This is a book any girl can relate to, not just because a friendship breaks apart, but because the girls figure out a way to stay together. It's a great model for what should happen in real life."
—Maya Brown, age 12

"We all make mistakes. We become better people when we learn from them. I love this story because Peggy Moss and Dee Dee Tardif reject one-dimensional "mean girls." Instead they offer us a real girl who does something she regrets, who recognizes the sadness, loss, and hurt she inflicts, and who is granted a great gift—the joy of knowing a friend's forgiveness. This should be a lesson to us all."

—Lyn Mikel Brown, co-author of Packaging Girlhood: Rescuing Our Daughters from Marketers' Schemes, author of Girlfighting: Betrayal and Rejection Among Girls, and Maya's mom

Friendships require maintenance. This book empowers students to create rules and limitations within their friendships. Our Friendship Rules has served as a guide for my students. Kids create their own list of friendship rules after we read the book. Ask your child or student, what should you do when someone breaks a friendship rule? What should the mending of a hurt look like? How does forgiveness play a part in friendships? And most importantly - how can we prevent hurts from ever happening? There is a lot of friendship drama going on in schools everyday. Which equals hurt feelings, exclusion, and unhappiness. Put this helpful read on your shelf to promote kindness and encourage healthy relationships.  

Check out the author's website Say Something Now.

Activity To Do With Kids: Check out this neat idea called Letting Go of Grudges



A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:

Book Review: I'm Sorry

Author: Sam McBratney
Illustrated by Jennifer Eachus

Interest Level: Pre School-Kindergarten


About This Book: The author of Guess How Much I Love You (1995) offers a simple, straightforward contemporary story about a falling-out between two best friends that hints at a resolution but cleverly leaves it up to young listeners to decide if they agree. Eachus' gauzy, dappled watercolors and 1940s-style English countryside settings convey an old-fashioned, cozy feeling to the story about a subject that might otherwise have been upsetting to youngsters. The young boy narrator tells of his friendship with a little girl--exploring the farm, teaching dolls to read, being doctors and fixing broken bones. Then there's a sudden argument ("I SHOUTED at my friend today, and she SHOUTED back at me"), and the children avoid each other. The friendship seems irreparable until the little boy imagines what his friend would do if she were as sad as he. Gentle and understated in both text and art, this has a great deal to teach about empathy and forgiveness. The rich paper quality allows for repeated reading.


Why It's On My Bookshelf: Children are not born with language; it has to be experienced, learned, and taught. And that applies to the two simple words: I'm Sorry. Many students in my school live in homes where the words 'I'm Sorry' are not spoken. It's often a task left to the school. Saying 'I'm Sorry" is an alternative to bully or violent behavior. Some kids simply just lack the language and that may mean hitting another kid. To start introducing this concept early - get this book on your shelf. It will come in handy!


A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:

Book Review: Ruthie and the (Not So) Teeny Tiny Lie

Author: Laura Rankin

Interest Level: Ages 4-9


About This Book: Ruthie, a fox girl, loves teeny-tiny things, so when she finds a miniature camera in the schoolyard, she claims it as her own. And lies about it when fellow student Martin tells their teacher, Mrs. Olsen, that the camera belongs to Ruthie. The rest of the afternoon is long for Ruthie, and at home that night, she ruminates over her crime until she finally comes clean with her parents. Having been counseled that honesty is the best policy, Ruthie, with much trepidation, tells her teacher and Martin what she has done. Mrs. Olsen praises her for telling the truth, and Martin forgives her, too. A real-life situation might not have such a happy ending, but this gets right to the heart of what children feel when they know they've done something wrong but don't know how to set things right. The sprightly artwork is cheery in all respects, except when it comes to Ruthie. With subtle brushstrokes, Rankin captures all the varied emotions Ruthie goes through: glee, defiance, worry, fear, and eventually relief.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: This age group (4-9) needs more books like this. I use this story as an opportunity to tell children that no matter what they have done - lying is always the Bigger problem. Kids can get into a habit of automatically wanting to improve their situation by lying. I love how the author shows how impacted Ruthie is both emotionally and even physically. Honesty is the best policy - that saying just never gets old. You are going to want this one on your shelf.


A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:

Book Review: Martha Doesn't Say Sorry!

Author: Samantha Berger

Illustrated by Bruce Whatley

Interest Level: 4-8

About This Book: This is the story of Martha, an otter, and under NO circumstance, will say she’s sorry. But, then she realizes that her lack of remorse deprives her from things she loves like piggyback rides and cookies, she finally succumbs to sorry. Most parents want their kids to really feel sorry and apologize, but sometimes it requires strategic withholding to send the message. Message received loud and clear!

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Too many kids say sorry as lip service. I am a strong believer in teaching your child to not only say sorry, but more importantly to BE or FEEL sorry. It's all about the empathy and being social thinkers. I often tell kids, 'when you tell someone you are sorry - it's like giving them a gift'. The number one way (in my opinion) to teach children how to give that gift is to model it yourself (it also helps to have a good reinforcing book like this). Martha is a spunky little otter that will definitely remind you of behavior you might be seeing at home. There are not many books out there on the skill of apologizing, so this is worth reading with your child. Our kindergarten kids love it. Parents Magazine offers some good advice, on learning to say sorry.

A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful: