Book Review: Desmond and The Very Mean Word

Authors: Archbishop Desmond Tutu and 
Douglas Carlton Abrams
illustrated by A.G. Ford

From the Book Jacket: Desmond was very proud of his new bicycle. He was the only child in the whole township who had one, and he couldn't wait to show it to Father Trevor. 

When Desmond takes his new bicycle out for a ride, his pride and joy turn to hurt and anger when some boys shout a very mean word at him. No matter what he tries, Desmond can't stop thinking about what the boys said. With the wise advice of kindly Father Trevor, Desmond learns an important lesson about understanding his conflicted feelings and how to forgive.  

Based on a real-life experience from Archbishop Desmond Tutu's own childhood in South Africa, Desmond and the Very Mean Word eloquently shows a child's realization that true forgiveness comes from within and that all people deserve compassion, whether or not they say they are sorry.  

Why It's On My Bookshelf: This has been an important picture book I've been using with our fourth and fifth graders. Sometimes I'm so saddened to see how horribly mean some of them can be to each other. So when this book arrived I knew it had a message that would touch their hearts and hopefully stop the mean words. Reminding kids they can make a decision to stop a hurtful conversation and take responsibility is what this book is all about.

There is a conversation in the book between Father Trevor and Desmond that we focused on:

Father Trevor sighed. "That is the problem, Desmond. You will get them back, and they they will get you back, and soon our whole world will be filled with nothing but 'getting back.'"

And there it is! Stopping the cycle of hurt is what my students need to hear. Especially because some of them come from homes where that cycle is happening. Forgiveness is an absent thing in many of their lives. When I asked if they could define forgiveness - not many hands went up. We teach a lot about apologies but it became clear the other part of the equation needs to be put out there too.

It is never revealed what the mean word is used against Desmond. I was concerned some kids would get hung up on that. We did have a small discussion on what the mean words might have been. But what we kept coming back to was how those words can have such a damaging impact. And that's why we need forgiveness............yep!

A Link to This Book:  

The Zach Rules Series: Zach Apologizes & Zach Gets Frustrated

Author: William Mulcahy
Illustrator: Darren McKee
Interest Level: Ages 5-8 
Publisher: Free Spirit Publishing (lots of great resources on their website)

A family counselor and psychotherapist teaches kids how to tame their frustration and how to deliver a proper apology in the first two books of the newly released Zach Rules series.

Zach Apologizes
From the Publisher: In Zach Apologizes, when Zach shoves his little brother to the floor, he knows he did something wrong. Even so, it's hard to apologize - especially when he feels Alex kind of deserved it! With his mom's help, Zach learns the "four-square" apology: (1) say what you did; (2) say how it made the other person feel; (3) say what you could have done instead; and (4) make it up to the person.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Coaching students when it comes to an apology is so important. Otherwise we'd probably just hear a lot of quick "I'm sorry's." We know that kind of apology does more harm than it does good. Reading Zach Apologizes reopened my eyes to how absolutely critical it is to help kids go deeper when they are making amends. Author William Mulcahy introduces kids to the "four-square" apology. This approach helps kids to be remorseful and have empathy about their actions. 

Kids are very visual so this is really going to stick with them. Cannot wait to teach this to the students and staff! Plus the kids play four-square out at recess so their ears will REALLY perk up.

Make sure to read the WONDERFUL advice in the back of the book for adults. There are some great tips on how to guide children through the four squares. Download a printable copy of the four-square apology HERE.

Zach Gets Frustrated
From the Publisher: In Zach Gets Frustrated, Zach is having a lousy day at the beach. Zach kicks sand, yells angry words, and asks his dad if they can just go home. Instead, his dad teaches him the "frustration triangle" - a simple, three-step approach to get a handle on frustration: (1) name it; (2) tame it; and (3) reframe it. Each book concludes with a short note to adults to help parents, teachers, counselors, and other grown-ups reinforce the book's messages and practice the skills with their kids. 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: This is SUCH a helpful resource to the students in my school. So many kids don't know what to do with their frustration and often times this leads to a negative behavior choice. Zach Gets Frustrated teaches children frustration doesn't need to ruin their day and it can even be channeled into something positive if they take the time to understand it. The frustration triangle technique is a new discovery for me and it's going to definitely have an impact.

The Frustration Triangle

Name it!

Tame it!

Reframe it!

Download a printable copy of the frustration triangle HERE

I CANNOT RECOMMEND THIS SERIES ENOUGH! IT'S AWESOME!!!!!

A Link to These Books: 

Book Review: Steps and Stones: An Anh's Anger Story

Author: Gail Silver
Illustrated by Christiane Kromer
Interest Level: Ages 4-9

From the Book Jacket: Anh looked at his Anger. He hadn't seen him for awhile. "Why were you wearing all that stuff?" Anh asked. "I almost didn't recognize you." "I was trying to be inconspicuous," Anger whispered. "I'm not sure if I'm allowed at school."

When Anh's friends go off to play without him, he feels all alone. Then his anger shows up and suggests taking revenge. Instead, Anh discovers walking meditation and finds a path toward accepting his emotions and developing new friendships. 

Steps and Stones can help children learn to understand the causes of their own strong emotions. With humor and compassion, it teaches children and adults how walking meditation can be a tool to calm anger and resolve conflict. 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: My lessons on keeping your cool in school just got a whole lot better. This is the sequel to Anh's Anger and it is an ESSENTIAL resource. Kids are managing their emotions all day long. But for certain kids, they have to work extra hard at managing their feelings of anger. As a school counselor, I rely on books like this to help teach calming down techniques kids will actually use.

Steps and Stones focuses on teaching children to cool off through breathing, counting and walking. Ahn's anger walks slowly with him as they do this exercise together. Slowly Ahn is able to work through the feeling and regain his balance. At my school, we teach kids to take a break when they are about to lose their cool. But just exactly what should they be doing during this break? Breathing, counting, and taking a walk should be a part of this routine. In fact, kids can even read this story when they are trying to get rid of anger.

I am thrilled to share such a healing book with our students, especially those who are stuck in constant anger. Parents, teachers, and counselors will appreciate having this on their shelf when they need to teach or reteach this important skill.

A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful: 


 

Book Review: Don't Need Friends

Author: Carolyn Crimi

illustrated by Lynn Munsinger 

Interest Level: Ages 4-8

From The Book Jacket: There's a new dog in the junkyard, and boy, is he ever grouchy! He seems the perfect new friend for surly, grumbling Rat. But the two animals are only interested in shouting at each other. "Don't you come near me!" barks Dog, and Rat mutters back, "Fine with me. Don't need friends, don't need 'em at all!" But as this crusty duo soon discovers, everybody needs a friend. Especially during a bitter winter in a junkyard where warmth is hard to find - and a foot-long salami sandwich is a near miracle. Endearing and sassy, this uplifting story of the importance of companionship will put a smile on even the grumpiest of faces.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: There is even a bigger message than the importance of having a friend in this book. I didn't figure this out until my third or fourth reading. It started with a new question I posed, "How could Rat and Dog have prevented being so angry in the first place?" We all agreed they had a loss in their lives causing their anger and sadness. But what should we do when we feel like that? Take it out on everyone around us like Rat and Dog or talk about our feelings? When my students get to hear how important it is for their feelings to be validated - I could visibly see how good they felt.

So I sort of went a different direction with this book, but you can also focus on the importance of friendships and why we need them. The kids also LOVED hearing Rat and Dog's dialogue back and forth. Because behind the anger, we all knew they actually cared about each other. This was published a little over 10 years ago and I will be using it for 10 plus more.


A Link To This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:

Book Review: Two New Howard B Wigglebottom Books

Howard B. Wigglebottom Learns It's OK to Back Away
Author: Howard Binkow
illustrated by Susan F. Cornelison
Interest Level: Ages 4-8

From the Book Jacket: This fun and entertaining illustrated picture book shows children how to handle anger issues and back away from conflicts. The story teaches important skills through humor and real life situations with which young children can immediately identify. There are several suggestions for lessons and reflections at the end of the book. This is the fifth in the award winning, teacher endorsed Howard B. Wigglebottom series.  

Why It's On My Bookshelf: As the school year progresses and new friendships are formed between students something else starts to form....conflicts. And they don't always end nicely. Anger can really mess the whole thing up. So this is the time of year I start teaching A LOT of lessons on how to deal with your anger without hurting other kids. Howard B Wigglebottom Learns It's OK to Back Away is new to my shelf and fits in beautifully with my lessons on learning to get calm and walk away from situations. It's also a good way to demonstrate self-talk. Howard uses the phrase, "Stop, it's OK to back away." Really like that....calming statements work wonders!

Howard B. Wigglebottom and the Monkey
on His Back: A Tale About Telling the Truth 
Author: Howard Binkow
illustrated by Susan F. Cornelison
Interest Level: Ages 4-8

About This Book: Even though Howard's conscience tells him lying is wrong - he chooses to lie anyway - why not? It's so easy and he can get away with it most of the time. Soon he realizes he feels sad and uncomfortable with himself. How can he make this bad feeling go away?

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Oh happy day!! A new book about honesty and the MAJOR problem with lying!! I only have a handful of books addressing this issue. Newsflash: 99.9% of kids know lying is a big NO NO. But all of a sudden they find themselves in a chronic pattern of dishonesty. That's why I dig the metaphor of the monkey (so get your monkey props ready) on the back. Because lying can feel like a horrible burden being carried around. After many incidents of lying Howard starts to feel plain awful about himself. To the point where he can't sleep because of the stress of his bad choices. It's not until he makes a brave decision to tell the truth that the monkey (bad feelings, guilt) leaves. I really love the message at the end....lying makes a person feel completely unhappy. You may be fooling the people around you but deep down you know the truth - and have to live with that knowledge. Whoo! Good stuff.


Check out more Howard goodness at The We Do Listen Foundation

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Book Review: Mouse Was Mad (Guest Blog Post)

Since starting my blog, I've made so many wonderful connections with many amazing people who also share a deep passion for childrens books. One of those amazing people is Barbara Gruener, a fellow elementary school counselor. Read her guest blog on one of her favorites...Mouse Was Mad.

Author: Linda Urban
Illustrated by Henry Cole
Interest Level: Ages 4-8

Why It's On Barbara's Bookshelf: From the moment you open Mouse Was Mad, you know the adorable little Mouse in Linda Urban's treasure is clearly very angry, but you never really know why. I love that about this tale, because the author leaves it open to possibilities. Start this read-aloud out by showing the cute illustrations of Mad Mouse on the inside of the front cover and pose the question, "What do you think Mouse is SO mad about?" I think you'll be surprised at what your little listeners say while you gain insight into what kinds of things make them mad. Be ready for some crazy responses; I was shocked when one of my kiddos said, "Someone has probably called him an idiot again." Ouch!

But what's the best way to be mad? Bear stomps. Hare hops. Bobcat screams. But Mouse? When he attempts to take his friends' lead, he just can't get it right. His rage grows as he tries to rid himself of the unpleasantness of his anger. When he finds the way that works best for him - getting perfectly still - he discovers he might be pretty good at managing anger after all.

The story, as well as the watercolor, colored pencil, and ink illustrations by Henry Cole, are cute and funny, filled with the kind of light-hearted playfulness that young kids especially enjoy.

Mouse's story is so incredibly cute and full of the entertaining playfulness that kids (and adults like me!) enjoy. Your students are likely to catch on quickly to the repetition as the enraged little rodent attempts to mimic the bear by stomping or be like the bobcat and get it out with a good scream. Students may even get a good laugh when he lands, over and over again, in a "mucky mud puddle." But that's not my favorite part. What grabbed me about this gem is the built in anger-management skills our little learners can use long after the read-aloud is over.

Mad lasts until it's done, right? I used this book in small group as a springboard for a "What-works-for-you?" discussion about how to get over being mad. How each friend resolves his anger makes for a wonderful discussion about what technique might work best for each student. In the end, Mouse gets still, breathes deeply, then craves a bubble bath, so we talk about the calming effects of deep breathing and warm water.

Activity:
I give each student a small bottle of dollar-store bubbles that we blow as we practice taking deep breaths. The deeper and more controlled the breath, the bigger the bubble, a simply way to perfect an effective anger-management strategy. You could also get some bubble wrap and encourage students to pop each bubble individually to help their "angries" disappear.

Finally, talk with your students about other anger-management techniques they've used. What works, how does it help, and why? Expect answers like exercise, talking it out, writing it down, punching a pillow, taking a time-out, screaming. Validate these healthy choices for when anger chooses them. Then teach them this little ditty using the music from The Adamms' Family:

When I get mad (snap, snap), When I get mad (snap, snap) -

Here's what I do, to get me through, when I get mad (snap, snap).

I practice my deep breathing, I slowly count from one to ten.

I talk it out or exercise, 'til I am glad again!

For enrichment, encourage students to Insert other ideas into the two "strategy" lines and write another verse. 

Enjoy!

Barbara Gruener is an elementary school counselor at Westwood Elementary. Barbara is a published author whose work has appeared in magazines such as Teaching Tolerance, Teaching K-8, and Daughters. She also has an IMPRESSIVE web page called The Counselor's Corner and writes for the website Character Counts!   I can only imagine how blessed the teachers, parents, and kiddos feel to have her as their counselor!

A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:


Book Review: The Grouchy Ladybug

Author: Eric Carle
Interest Level: Ages 4-8

 From the Book Jacket: Boldly designed pictures and a humorous text tell the story of a tiny anti-hero like no other. The Grouchy Ladybug didn't say "please" or "thank you"; it wouldn't share; it thought it was bigger and more important than anyone else; and it was always ready to pick a fight. This fast moving story with clever die-cut pages invites children to explore the concepts of time, size, shape, and manners. They will laugh and learn from this bad-tempered braggart who met its match and became a nice and better behaved bug.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: A punch, a kick, a pull, a shove, a pinch.....oh yep, those things happen between kiddos at my school from time to time. There's lots of developmental (and environmental) reasons this goes down. I won't bore you with them. My job is to help kids with social growth and surprise surprise....they can get mad and angry during the school day! I've been reading this story for quite a few years. It's very loved among kids because of it's cool setup with varying page sizes and illustrations. But The Grouchy Ladybug has also been a powerful tool for teaching anger management to my K-2 students. Cuz just about every page she is trying to scrap with someone - "Hey you! Wanna fight!!?" Perfect for teaching replacement behaviors. I love hearing the students try and figure out what's under her anger. They try and relate to her! Another thing that gets this story rockin' is my ladybug puppets (I'm borderline obsessed with puppets...it could be another blog in itself). I have two ladybug puppets the kids use to practice how to handle your anger and solve problems. You can do a lot with this story in the area of social skills.


PS. I didn't mention this in my review, but it's also a great CONCRETE book to teach expected behavior and school rules about fighting. We don't fight. Period. There's always another way.

A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:

Book Review: Yoga Calm for Children: Educating Heart, Mind, and Body

Authors: Lynea Gillen, Jim Gillen
Interest Level: Grades K and UP

About This Book: The ultimate guide for parents, teachers and other adults who want to introduce yoga to children, as well as help kids manage stress, build social skills and create lifelong fitness habits! Lavishly illustrated, Yoga Calm for Children includes 60 practical, easy-to teach activities, as well as alignment and safety principles and "emotional first aid" tips. It shows school teachers and counselors how to integrate Yoga Calm activities with regular class work and modify them for specific classroom situations. And it inspires through stories from the authors own experiences of helping kids learn, grow and thrive with Yoga Calm. Specially designed for use in K-12 schools and therapeutic settings, Yoga Calms principle-based approach makes it effective in any environment and with a broad range of ages, populations and abilities, including children with ADHD, anxiety and other disorders. [This] beautiful book...offers a clear program for introducing educational activities and curriculum that address the whole child, rather than just the academic mind.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: I've been practicing yoga off and on for years and have appreciated all of it's healing benefits for my mind and body. The emotional boost I feel afterwards is a great reminder of how important it is to have a wellness habit. So when I was given the opportunity to attend a yoga workshop aimed at helping children, I got my yoga mat ready!

Within the first hour of the workshop I began asking myself, 'How have I been working with kids for so many years and not discovered the power of using yoga as a strategy to emotionally strengthen children??' Over the course of the day, we learned how to combine simple yoga with effective counseling techniques to use in small groups or classrooms. There were so many 'a ha' moments I thought I might explode. I've been teaching kids how to breathe and get calm for years....counting to 10..taking breaks...blah blah blah. Apparently, I've been missing a few ingredients for a true calmness recipe. One of my favorite breathing techniques was -Volcano Breath (it's all in the book).

I returned to school today and did an activity called, The Mindful Walk with a 3rd grade class. Of course I had a few kiddos thinking this was silly time. But within minutes we were all walking peacefully around the classroom counting our breathing and clearing our minds for positive thinking. Afterwards, a student who often suffers from frustration asked me if they could come to my office during recess to practice the calm breathing. Um, how cool is that!?

Yoga Calm is a wonderful resource that enhances social/emotional skill building, breathing techniques, and simple EASY yoga poses. We all know how important movement is to help students in the classroom environment. Incorporating yoga into schools is a total NO brainer. I'm going to continue my journey and hopefully work on being a Yoga Calm certified instructor in the fall. It's that good!


Check out Yoga Calm's website for more information. I also love reading their blog. Watch this school in Minneapolis using Yoga Calm.

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Book Review: Anh's Anger

Author: Gail Silver

Illustrated by Christiane Kromer

Interest Level: Ages 4-9

From the Book Jacket: "Who are you?" asked Anh. "And how did you get into my room?" "I'm your anger," said the creature. "You brought me here."

This enchanting story gives children and caregivers a concrete practice for dealing with anger and other strong emotions. Anh, a five-year-old boy, comes to know his anger when they dance, play, sit, and breathe together, creating a space for Anh to resolve an earlier conflict with his grandfather. The vibrant multi-textured collages illustrate the connection between the characters and their environment and express the wide range of emotions present in the story.

Ahn's Anger can help children learn to acknowledge and understand the causes of their own strong emotions, and ultimately feel safe expressing themselves and accepting accountability for their actions when appropriate. The story also provides caregivers a model of being calm and compassionate with children's anger.

"Anh's Anger reminds us that anger is part of all of us and that mindful sitting and breathing can help transform it. Both adults and children will benefit from learning how to change an unhappy situation into a joyful one." —Thich Nhat Hanh   

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Do you remember when you were a child and were angry about something? Do you remember what you did to get rid of your anger? Did an adult help you? My mom would ask me to "retire" to my room for a cool down. I remember lying on my bed, listening to music, being still with my breath....this book reminded me of those times. It's going to come in handy if you need to help teach this skill.

"You're upset," said Grandfather. "Please go to your room and sit with your anger. I'll come in when you're calm and able to talk." I love that it models the adult giving an appropriate calm response. When I'm dealing with an ANGRY kid I first have to find my inner calm before I even open my mouth.

In Anh's Anger the child asks, "How do I sit with my anger?" As a parent, teacher, or counselor - that question is your IN. I asked this question to students when we finished reading. They answered it in many different ways. Anh uses breathing as his calming technique. Empower your child to come up with techniques to let their anger go. Put this one on your shelf, it's not just a message for kids - it's for everyone.  

Check Out A Preview:

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Book Review: I Call My Hand Gentle

Author: Amanda Haan
Illustrated by Marina Sagona
Interest Level: Ages 4-9

About This Book: In a book about empowerment and choice, an unidentified narrator catalogs some of the wonderful things a hand can do: pick up things, throw, hold, write, draw, push. Fluid, expressionistic illustrations in Day-Glo colors, some full page, some small and square, add potency to the brief words. After exploring what hands can do, the narrator moves to bigger issues--honorable behavior and choice ("I choose not to steal, push, hurt"), with the accompanying illustration, in garish hues, on a background of orange and yellow flames. The book concludes as the narrator recounts good choices (using a hand to pet, cuddle, tickle, and share), which leads to the final statement, "So I'll call my hand gentle." An elegantly simple lesson that will work well at home and in the classroom.


Why It's On My Bookshelf: I've had a lot of success with this book in the younger grades. It is a simple and concrete message. We can use our hands to help or hurt. It's a choice. How will you choose to use your hands? How will you choose to solve your problems? I often read I Call My Hand Gentle a few times throughout the school year. Kids need a lot of reinforcement from adults to choose a non-violent way to deal with problems. I love this activity a teacher did with her students. Go get this wonderful book for your shelf.

Book Review: Finn Throws a Fit!

Author: David Elliott
Illustrated by Timothy Basil Ering
Interest Level: Ages 2-5

About This Book:
Today, Finn does not like peaches.  He doesn’t like anything at all.  He is just plain grumpy!  He slams doors, yells, cries, stomps his feet.  His temper is so huge that when he does these things they have disastrous effects.  His tears flood the house.  Lightning flashes when he yells.  It’s an earthquake when he stomps his feet.  And then it is over.  Readers find out why he was cranky, and now?  Now, he’d like a peach please.

For any parent who has ever survived toddler tantrums, this book hits the mark perfectly.  The drama of the fit itself is right on, cranked up to the ultimate level just as every tantrum feels.  For me, the best moment of the book beyond that charmer of a first page is the end of the fit which ends with this line:

“It lasts until it doesn’t.”

Exactly.  Perfectly and succinctly put.

Elliott’s writing is very simple and yet dramatic.  The short sentences on each page make this a perfect book for toddlers who just may be capable of this sort of tantrum.  Ering’s art is delightfully wild, filled with stormy clouds of emotion.  Done in charcoal, oil paint and grease pencil they work very well in both the sunny parts of the book and the dramatic.  A perfect choice for toddler story time, you could have them yell, stomp, and more while reading.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Temper tantrums - a parent's worse nightmare! Finn's body language in the book is PERFECT. It's a really good reflection of what a child looks like when they are pouting, angry, and throwing a fit. Read the reviews on Amazon to fully appreciate the impact of Finn Throws A Fit. If you want to make an impact on your toddler's behavior and encourage them to use their words - get this one on your shelf.

Book Review: The Recess Queen

Author: Alexis O'Neill

illustrated by Laura Huliska-Beith

Interest Level: Ages 4-8

From the Book Jacket: Mean Jean was Recess Queen and nobody said any different. Nobody swung until Mean Jean swung. Nobody kicked until Mean Jean kicked. Nobody bounced until Mean Jean bounced. If kids ever crossed her, she'd push 'em and smoosh 'em, lollapaloosh 'em, hammer 'em, slammer 'em, kitz and kajammer 'em...until a new kid came to school...

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Trying to find books dealing with bullying in younger grades is often a frustration of mine, until I discovered The Recess Queen in my local bookstore. The little girl on the cover looks like the meanest baddest bully you have ever seen. Based on the title and the cover illustration alone, I was sold. As I read through the story at home, I was expecting the book to teach strategies on how to deal with mean kids at recess. But, The Recess Queen uses a different take on bullying. The strategy is to turn the bully into a friend (and we all know how hard it is to respect someone when they are disrespecting you) with kindness. Yes, there is a moment of standing up for oneself during the story, but it ends with kindness. I really appreciate the author using another child to turn Mean Jean's behavior around. It's been impactful in our K-2 grades. The illustrations are awesome and the kids love all the rhyming. Sometimes nobody knows what to do with the "mean", so I suggest this book to help children see the bully through a different perspective. Also, when I read this one, the kids are a bit appalled by Mean Jean's behavior. I secretly love that.

A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful: