It's time for our book club!
Over a week ago I discovered Little Girls Can Be Mean at my local bookstore and eagerly brought it to the counter to purchase. One of those moments where I felt like - how did I not know about this book!!?? I'm very used to seeing similar books addressing this issue but in the teenage world. Finally, K-5! My peeps! I couldn't wait to get home and dive in. Because often as an elementary school counselor, there are times I feel like I'm drowning in....yep...gonna say it....mean girl behavior. I've gotten a pretty good handle on how to help these students but I'm ALWAYS open to learning new strategies and I especially want to help parents.
I said last week we should take on Chapters 1-2 but changed my mind to JUST a chapter a week. Reason being is I don't want my post to be too long and I have lots to chime in on. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts/stories/feelings in the comment section.
Chapter 1 - The Rise of Social Cruelty
Pages 1-6 got me thinking about one of the reasons 'girl bullying' even exists. I think it's partly us people. Here's a perspective I have from the school (which I love and adore PS) I work at: I think we are getting BETTER and BETTER at figuring out right away who are the girls who need a social intervention. See, in the past we'd just be super reactive instead of proactive. And when you are reactive you start counting down the days to Christmas break. We all have this assumption that girls know how to come to school and just magically turn into super friends. Um, they don't. Hence, the reactiveness. So I don't wait till October to figure out who is not getting along. The teachers and I pay attention on DAY 1. Urban Anaya's story is a great example of how desensitized we are to the problem and also just sort of put up with it. I think I've shared in that desensitization in the past.
Page 7: "hidden" Girl bullying is so sneaky, quiet, and under the table. It's like communicating backwards. I just wanted to comment on that word "hidden." I've been paying way more attention to this and I even go as far as asking girls: "What kinds of looks did she give you? Show me what her body looked like?" I've really shifted the gears the past few years and taught the meaning and dangers behind passive aggressive body language and how it stirs up problems. I've had girls tell me they don't want to solve or confront another girl because they are afraid of them. Isn't it amazing the negative POWER a stare, or glare?
Page 9: Friendship Struggles and Learning. Whoa, seen this one a hundred times. When hurt friendship feelings start 'bleeding' into the learning - we've got problems people. Okay, so how is everyone dealing with that one in their classrooms? You know, when little Suzy and little Emily come in from recess crying. Do you set limits? Do you use a higher level of problem solving? Do you involve parents when the problem continues? My first year as a school counselor, there was a WHOLE lotta mean girl problems going on in a first grade classroom. And I will never forget how the teacher handled it. She called all the parents in separately for meetings and did MAJOR interventions/behavior plans/friendship training with these girls. These students are older now and changed for the better because of the time she put into the problem.
Page 11: Most Bully Programs Miss the "Mark" Okay, it's no secret I'm an elementary school counselor and I teach bully prevention. It's also no secret that I've taken some of those curriculums and dumped them in the garbage. My first couple of years as a counselor, I taught these curriculums and they just bombed. Too robotic and especially not specific enough to girls. How did I know? Because the girl bullying didn't decrease. So if it's not working - stop teaching it is my thinking. I like what I've created on my own, I pull from all sorts of resources. And PLEASE check out Trudy Ludwig's books. Her books focusing on relational aggression are EXCELLENT.
Page 13: "yo-yo friendships" This paragraph talks about how girls are often in a "swirl of confusing moments" because of the daily friendship breakups going on. They completely forget about the learning and become obsessed with the unhealthy friendship. This one has driven me a little nuts over the years. It can take some intense intervention - but always worth it.
Bottom of Page 14: "Find someone else to play with" Yep, that one's a heart breaker to hear from a teacher. Here's what the student heard you say - I don't care. Have I been guilty of this in the past? Yes. Did I really not care? Of course not. I was just lacking the tools to intervene on what appeared to be a small problem....but it's not. It's a symptom and a warning sign. "You've got girl aggression." And guess what, it breeds.
Okay, the rest of the chapter talks about the journey the authors will be taking us on. So what reactions and a-ha moments did you get from Chapter 1? (and see you next week for Chapter 2!!)
Details coming soon on the giveaway for this book!
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