Book Review: Rabbityness

Author/Illustrator: Jo Empson
Interest Level: Ages 5 and Up

From the Book Jacket: This is a story of a very special rabbit. He enjoys doing rabbity things, but he also loves - well, un-rabbity things. His boundless creative talent is a source of joy and inspiration to the other rabbits. 

When Rabbit suddenly disappears, no one knows where he has gone. His friends are desolate. But, as it turns out, Rabbit has left behind some very special gifts for them, to help them discover their own unrabbity talents. Rabbityness positively introduces children to dealing with a loss of any kind. 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Sometimes I get requests from parents or teachers for books dealing with very specific grief situations. If I can't find the perfect fit from my bookshelf I definitely feel frustrated. Rabbityness is a really special story I can use to cover a lot of different grief or tragedy situations. Rabbit disappears in the story - but no one knows why or what happened to him. I like that there's no answer as to what happened because I can help the child relate their own story to Rabbit.

"One day. Rabbit disappeared. The other rabbits were very sad. They couldn't find him anywhere. The woods were quiet and gray. All that Rabbit had left was a hole...a DEEP dark hole."

Wow. The deep dark hole can represent a lot of different feelings for children. The second part of the story shows the other rabbits learning how to cope with their loss. What I see as a healing step for kids is to talk about how to fill the void they might be feeling. What coping skills could they use to fill that deep dark hole.......

Absolutely love this one and see it HELPING me as a counselor and the grieving children I work with throughout the year.

A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:

 

Book Review: Following Grandfather

Author: Rosemary Wells
Illustrated by Christopher Denise
Interest Level: Ages 8 and Up
Chapter Book with illustrations

From the Book Jacket: When Jenny was little, Grandfather taught her how to button her buttons and how to write J  for her name. When she was a little older, Grandfather took her to try on the expensive dresses at the stylish Mouse Boutique, hidden deep in the ductwork of the Jordan Marsh department store. And during long summer afternoons at Revere Beach, Grandfather taught Jenny the names of seashells. 

But one day Grandfather was gone. Every mouse in Boston, including Jenny, went to his funeral high in the belfry of the cathedral. So how can it be that Jenny begins to spot Grandfather about town - turning a corner, sitting on a park bench? Could it really be that Grandfather is still out there somewhere, roaming the city he loved? Jenny can't help but run after the familiar silver whiskers, hoping...

Why It's On My Bookshelf: What a special find. So many children who have lost a grandparent will benefit from reading this book. Sometimes in my own life I will see something or even smell something that reminds me of my grandma. It makes me smile and is a reminder of how much I miss her. I have to admit this book even got me a little teary. Remembering a grandparent can make a child sad but also brings up all the wonderful happy times. Be prepared for lots of share outs and discussion. What an honor to read such a touching and healing story to children. I have a feeling this will be a heavily checked out book from my shelf.

A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:

Book Reviews: New Ones on Death of a Pet

The Day Tiger Rose Said Goodbye
Author: Jane Yolen
Illustrated by Jim LaMarche
Publisher: Random House Books for Young Readers
Interest Level: Ages 4 and Up

From the Book Jacket: Her kitten days long gone, Tiger Rose has lived a cat's life. She's growing too tired to stay, so it's time to say goodbye to the creatures and the joys in her little corner of the world - goodbye to the scolding blue jay, to the children and dog she shares her home with, and to her favorite shady patch under the bushes. Tiger Rose is ready to become one with it all. 

Never before has there been such a peaceful, inspiring, and reassuring book for children about death - uniquely written from the point of view of the one who is dying, and as much a celebration of life as of its gentle end. 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: This is so beautifully written. I cried (and cried), as I finished the last couple pages. This is a book you will want to read with your child - and you will cry too. When I was younger and saw my mom cry about sad experiences, it modeled to me the importance of letting the grief out. So don't be afraid to grieve in front of your children. This story will most certainly trigger the sadness you both will be feeling after the loss of a pet. But it will also help trigger the healing.

Sammy in the Sky
Author: Barbara Walsh
Paintings by Jamie Wyeth
Publisher: Candlewick Press
Interest Level: Ages 4 and Up

From the Book Jacket: Sammy, the best hound dog in the whole wide world, loves his girl and she loves him. When illness cuts Sammy's life short, the girl's family keeps his spirit alive by celebrating his love of chasing wind-blown bubbles, keeping loyal guard a night, and offering his velvety fur for endless pats and tummy scratches.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: I am not a fan of books about pet death that end with the whole family replacing their beloved pet with a new one. I think it does a disservice to the grief process. I am a fan of books showing the love and memories we will always have when a pet passes. This is why I loved Sammy in the Sky so much. It doesn't take the easy way out. It helps kids to focus on all the wonderful special moments pets bring to our lives. It teaches kids to remember them in their hearts. "All I knew was that I loved Sammy and Sammy loved me." It's about love.

Good-Bye, Jeepers: What to Expect When Your Pet Dies
Author: Nancy Loewen
Illustrated by Christopher Lyles
Publisher: Capstone Publishing
Interest Level: Ages 4 and Up

From the Book Jacket: When a pet dies, it can feel like you lost your best friend. What do you do? Whether you had a guinea pig, dog, cat, or fish, this story can help you through the tough times.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Absolutely loved this one. It is so developmentally appropriate. As the story unfolds, each page has a little blurb teaching children about the grieving process. I've read 'technical' books like this before but this one is SOLID. This is also about the loss of a guinea pig. But I think whether you lose a dog or a cat this is a good one to do some teaching about grieving. I once asked a group of 3rd graders after a loss, "Have you ever heard of the word grief?" No one raised their hand. It's amazing how empowered and connected they felt as I guided them through the process. It would have been a missed opportunity for them to grow if I would have just swept the teaching piece under the rug. They have the desire to learn and be educated about grief. It's helpful for them to know what they are feeling is perfectly fine - even though it may be difficult. 


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Book Reviews: Sky Memories and Rudi's Pond

Sky Memories
Author: Pat Brisson
Paintings by Wendell Minor
Interest Level: Ages 9-12 (not a picture book)

From the Book Jacket: "The year before my mother died, we gathered sky memories." So begins this poignant tale of a daughter who is forced to say goodbye to her mother too soon. Emily is ten years old when her mother is diagnosed with cancer. By the time Emily has turned eleven, her mother will have died. But through the painful last months of their life together, Emily and mom find a way to celebrate and commemorate their relationship. Together they take mental pictures of the sky in all its variety and wonder - the sky that seems to reflect the phases of Mom's illness and the vitality of her soul. Sensitive and insightful, Sky Memories gracefully conveys the heartbreak of loss and, ultimately, the comfort of memory.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: It's extremely difficult to find WELL WRITTEN HEALING grief bibliotherapy for this age group. Thank goodness for authors like Pat Brisson. She's done something incredible with Sky Memories for kids who are coping with a great loss. All of the difficult emotions and hard questions are tackled in this story. Emily goes through anger, sadness, denial, and acceptance.

Emily asks some very honest questions to her mother like, 'Are you going to die? Are you afraid of dying? Why doesn't God answer my prayers.' Pat Brisson doesn't try to make the hard parts "pretty" for your reading pleasure. I thank her for that. And I'll admit, even as a counselor it's hard to read this story because I know kids go through this.

What really blessed me about this story is when Emily gets angry after her mother's death, "There were bottles of pills on the nightstand. I carefully lined them up in a perfectly straight row along the edge of the table. I flicked the first one off the edge. It fell to the floor with a familiar rattle and thud. I flicked the next one harder and it fell harder from the table. The next one I batted with my hand and it flew halfway across the room. The last three I gathered up and threw with all my might at the far wall. The plastic containers shattered and pills flew all over the room. I burst into tears." Wow. The message: Kids, you get to be angry about your loss! Everyone's anger is going to look different. Throwing the pills across the room didn't seem like an unhealthy way to cope. I sort of went...YES, throw those awful pills, Emily!

Don't try and look for or force closure when you read this book. Grief doesn't work that way. There is a beautiful acceptance and understanding that seems to rise from every page to the very last word. Highly recommend this one.

Rudi's Pond
Author: Eve Bunting
illustrated by Ronald Himler
Interest Level: Ages 5-9

From the Book Jacket: Rudi is my best friend. He and I made a feeder for hummingbirds out of a bottle and a straw. "They'll come for sure," Rudi says. "If I was a bird, I'd come." But Rudi is sick, and Mom says he is sinking. Sinking is hard to understand. It is terrible when Rudi dies. Everyone in school wants to create something wonderful so we can remember him. We decide to build a pond next to the big knobby oak in the schoolyard. The feeder Rudi and I made hangs from the oak, and one day a special hummingbird arrives...

Inspired by a true story. Eve Bunting has written a touching account of the hope a young girl finds after a devastating loss. Ronald Himler's soft watercolor palette beautifully captures the story's deep emotion.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: When we lost a student to an illness, I read this book to the class. Yep, we all cried. What we learned from Rudi's Pond was how we can continue to celebrate the memory of our beloved friend and student. Let me tell you, the loving and caring spirits of children are a magical thing. I've witnessed a lot of healing in children just from creating special memory boxes, cards, or even the planting of a tree in honor and gratitude.


Creating cards for Rudi when he is in the hospital.....

In this story, Rudi's classmates help to build a pond by a tree in his honor. Rudi's best friend also hangs a hummingbird feeder that reminds her of their friendship. She starts to see a hummingbird each day and it feels like a very special sign to her. Even though he is gone, the sign reminds her of his presence in her heart. Oh wow - now that is healing for kids to hear! 

This is a touching and beautiful story. Sometimes it's hard to talk about the, "Where do we go from here?" question. This has been more than helpful since the kids are looking to me for answers and hope. Peace. That's what we feel after reading Rudi's Pond.

Book Review: Grandma's Gloves

Author: Cecil Castellucci
illustrated by Julia Denos
Interest Level: Ages 5-8

A Note From the Publisher: Grandma is always on her knees in the dirt, with her gardening gloves on, talking to her roses. Her home brims with plants and blossoms, and on hot days, she even waters the little girl in this story, her "most special flower of all," with the hose.

But a day comes when Grandma isn't there to care for the little girl anymore. She feels sad and small and alone until she remembers all that her grandmother taught her- and all that she has to teach. Full of light and life and the solace of green, growing things, this moving and beautifully illustrated picture book explores a timeless bond with warmth and joy.

Hello, Gorgeous Illustrations!

Why It's On My Bookshelf: I couldn't help but to tear up while reading this. It is such BEAUTIFUL bibliotherapy. When I was a child, I would have wanted to read this to help with grief. It's the type of life lesson that puts a smile on your face when you close the book. There is so much we can teach children about what they can do with the memories they have of a grandparent. Author Cecil Castellucci reminds us to take these gifts and wisdom and keep passing them on. In Grandma's Gloves the little girl appreciates her Grandma's adoration of gardening. Her memories are filled with Grandma working in her garden and always having her gloves nearby. A relationship and bond formed out of this hobby. It's the connection to her Grandma. Who knew a pair of garden gloves could mean so much to a little girl. They mean so much that she wants to keep the tradition alive...so lovely.

It got me thinking about a set of bowls I have in my kitchen. When my own Grandmother passed away they were given to me. I love them because of the meaning behind them. They remind me of the memories of the wonderful meals she would make us on Sundays.

My Grandma's Bowls

Although it's sad she's not around to make us her yummy German recipes, I take comfort in having the bowls in my home. And when I use them - it's very special to me....just like the gloves in the book.

This would be a wonderful read aloud to a classroom. Make sure to share your own memories and treasures from your grandparents.....


A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:

Book Review: Remembering Crystal

Author: Sebastian Loth

Interest Level: Ages 4-8

About This Book: Crystal had lived in the garden for many years. She was growing old. Zelda was just starting out in life. They were best friends. They read books together. They took trips together. And they talked about everything. But one day Crystal was not in the garden. In this gentle story, children learn, with Zelda, that true friendship is a gift that doesn't die. -from the book jacket

Why It's On My Bookshelf: This is a very special little book. It's about having to let go of someone who has passed away....when we don't want to. Having to let go of the physical presence of a loved one is part of the grieving process. There is anger, sadness, and loneliness. Remembering Crystal gently explores this while also providing healing wisdom to children. We will always have the treasured memories to fill our hearts with joy and help ease those difficult feelings. We will always remember. It's how we honor and appreciate our loved one while also learning how to cope with the death. There is a lot to be said about focusing on the positive. The story is concrete and leaves enough room for parental/adult guidance.


A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:

Book Review: Samantha Jane's Missing Smile

Author: Julie Kaplow and Donna Pincus

Illustrated by Beth Spiegel

Interest Level: Ages 4-8

About This Book: The loss of a parent is a profound crisis for a child. In the aftermath of the death, children face great emotional vulnerability and distress and need help from their surviving parent and other supportive adults around them. Reassurance and support, as well as practical coping tools, are key to the child's ability to recover.

Samantha Jane's Missing Smile is the story of one child's loss. When her father dies, Sammy Jane doesn't know how to express her grief. She fears that her sadness will overwhelm her if she cries. She worries that her sadness will overburden her mother, too, and that her mother won't be available for her. She is angry at the unfairness of her loss. And she feels guilty about smiling ever again.

In this gentle story, Sammy Jane comes to accept her feelings and realizes that they won't go away if she ignores them. She also discovers that sharing those feelings is both comforting and reassuring. WIth her mother's help, she finds ways to keep the memory of her father alive. And finally, she understands what a full, happy life is what her father would want for her.

But sometimes I worry that if I talk to you about Dad,

you'll start to feel sad.

I don't want you to be sad.

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Oh boy, where to begin. There are so many good nuggets in this book. First of all, tough subject to write about. Second, anyone who works with or has a grieving child needs this book on their shelf.  Kids often stuff their feelings because they don't want to upset their parents. Samantha Jane tries to push away her own grief so she won't worry her mother. Man, it makes me sad to think about how much that happens in real life. She also struggles with guilt. The guilt of not wanting to experience joy, for fear that she is not honoring her father's memory. My favorite bibliotherapy stories are those incorporating REALISTIC strategies that help kids cope through those rough times. There are some good ones throughout the story. I  highly recommend Samantha Jane's Missing Smile for your shelf.

A Link to This Book and Others You Might Find Helpful:

Book Review: My Grandma Died

Author: Lory Britain, Ph.D.
Illustrated by Carol Deach
Interest Level: Ages 4-8


About This Book:
This gentle story is written for the very young. It uses simple, honest language to clarify that death is permanent, that the child will never again be able to bake cookies or rock with grandma. The child acknowledges that losing grandma is a greater loss than that of a toy or pet.
My Grandma Died assures the young child that it’s normal to feel angry, frightened and sad when grieving. It also helps a child distinguish between the emotional pain of grief and the physical pain of a scrape or sunburn. Carefully researched and reviewed by therapists who work with preschool and primary-age children, My Grandma Died offers practical, age-appropriate suggestions for coping with loss.

 

Mama says I can draw a picture of how

I'm feeling when I'm all mixed up inside 

 

Why It's On My Bookshelf: Okay, do not be scared of how simple and tiny the book looks. It's concrete and to the point, exactly the kind of book you need to read to 4-8 year olds. My Grandma Died gives a child coping strategies on how to meet their emotional needs during the grieving process. When a grandparent dies, it's a big deal. Add this one to the grief section of your shelf, especially if you are a counselor.